What not to do at a Eurovision party

Eurovision parties are great! Once a year we all come together to watch over fifty countries compete in a song contest, singing out of key in languages we don’t understand. No other event compares. So, don’t be that guy… here’s our round-up of the things that can spoil a good Eurovision party:

Don’t slag off Eurovision

You’d think this is a given, but we’ve been surprised before. You’re not being big and you’re not being clever. Don’t like Eurovision? Piss off, you bellend.

Don’t eat all the sausage rolls

As tempting as it is to scoff a whole platter of sausage rolls, this is a big no-no. First of all, it’s selfish, greedy and just not fair to deprive your mates of sampling such fine food. Secondly, you’re setting yourself up for a night either a) napping on the sofa in a pastry-induced coma or b) with your head in the toilet. You’re not eight years old anymore. Maybe try some tapenade and crackers instead.

Don’t get political

Europe and the EU is a hot topic this year, sure. Eurovision voting is a political quagmire too, yes, we get that. But this is first and foremost a song contest… right? Right. You don’t want the evening to turn into a big debate, especially after everyone’s had a few brews. It won’t end well.

Don’t cry if the UK end up with nil points

It’ll all be OK, we can try again next year.

Don’t peak too early

We all get a bit excited when Eurovision starts – after all, we have to wait a whole year to experience it again. It’s a long evening though, and the voting changes this year should make it a closer race right up until the very end. You must pace yourselves. Eat some potato bourekas. Drink some water. Take it easy. You don’t want to miss the moment when Joe and Jake are crowned Eurovision 2016 champions!

Saying that, if you’re playing our classic drinking game there is the potential risk you’ll all be downing shot after shot if they open with an ABBA retrospective. That’s our fault, and we apologise.

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